Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
