She just used a chaser for red wine.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
