I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
