I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
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