we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
