My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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