Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
It's blow job season.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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