its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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