Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
