whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
