You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
