I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
