i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize