What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
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