I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
