i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
