i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
