i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Randomize
