There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
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I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
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You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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