I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
