I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
