youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
