we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
