I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
