she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
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They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
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On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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