your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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