I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
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I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
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He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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