Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
