i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Sober January is a disaster.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
