Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
