This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
