maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
