careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
