Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
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