I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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