Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
