It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
