Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
