Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
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