I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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