Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
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