So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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