You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
