I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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