I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
