no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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