eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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