i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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