When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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