We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
