Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
why is half of my head shaved?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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