the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
