Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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