Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
