I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
